It seems that in the past couple of years, the word "trauma" has entered our Zeitgeist, and at least in my bubble, it seems omnipresent.
I remember the first time I really noticed the word was when I was looking for explanations for my digestive issues back in 2012. I visited an Osteopath in my hometown, and she mentioned at the end of the session, "I think there is some trauma; you should visit a traumatologist." Me? Trauma? Wait, isn't this what happens to people who have fought in wars, got caught up in car accidents, or experienced sexual abuse?
For some time, I pushed that idea away from me. I mean, I grew up in a safe home; we never suffered from hunger or poverty. I was healthy, and so were my family and other beloved ones.
Years later, during my breathwork facilitator training, I came across different body armor types as a result of childhood trauma. There, I slowly understood that as children, when harmful things happen to us, we start protecting ourselves from them to prevent their recurrence. Consequently, our bodies adopt protective postures as shields against further harm, shaping our body postures literally.
The work of Dr. Gabor Maté brought a new, deep understanding of trauma to me. He differentiates between Trauma with a capital T and trauma with a small t. Trauma with a capital T includes all the dramatic challenges mentioned above. However, trauma with a small t is something that occurs to many people without their knowing. Here, trauma describes the lack of the possibility to work through an overwhelming threat during childhood.
As an example, let's say as a child, when we are raw, innocent, and not yet capable of cognitively differentiating between what is our fault and what is not, something upsets or scares us. Sadness or fear arise within us, we start crying, and the desire for attention and physical attachment to our caregivers arises.
Now, this, by itself, is not yet traumatic. However, when we do not get the opportunity to work through these emotions because maybe the caregivers are stressed themselves, turn us down, or leave us alone with these emotions, they become an overwhelming threat. The child concludes from such experiences that it is not safe to show these emotions, as their caregiver was turning away. The child assumes that something must be wrong with them—why else would their caregiver, for whom they feel unconditional love and admiration, turn them down?
Trauma with a small t leads to a disconnection of oneself. The child learns to no longer pay attention to their emotions to survive, not lose the connection to its caregiver, upon whom it depends. Maybe there is no one to run to, to talk to, no shoulder to cry on. So, a disassociation with one's feelings starts.
For this person, it becomes too painful to be oneself, as the conclusion was drawn that being one's authentic self leads to rejection and is simply bad. However, this way, they lose their connection to their emotions, which, in a healthy state, are signs of the body showing us what is doing well and what is not to our system. With this disconnect, though, we cannot hear the messages of the emotions anymore.
As we lack the warning signs of our system, we might get into dangerous, potentially even self-harming situations.
Now, take a moment to reflect—what is your relation to your own emotions? Do you allow them all, feel them all? Or do you push certain emotions away, maybe even classify them as good vs. bad?
For trauma to happen, we don't need war or genocide. It just takes caregivers who are detached from their own emotions, ending up neglecting the basic emotional needs of their children.
You can ask yourself—when you were a child, was it safe to feel your emotions? Did you have opportunities to express them in a safe way? Were certain emotions allowed, while others were classified as not okay or bad? How did your caregivers react when emotions were present in your system? Did they turn toward you, or were you sent away?
Now, this new look at trauma might explain why the term has become so popular in the last few years. A lot of research has been happening to show the effects of trauma and suppressed emotions on our whole system—leading to stress, anxiety, depression, autoimmune diseases, and much more.
This, of course, does by no means downgrade or disregard Trauma with a capital T. However, it is crucial not to rationalize trauma with a small t away. It is not helpful to downgrade your own pain, your hurtful experiences as a "someone else always has it worse than me." Your pain is valid; your experiences as a child were overwhelming and to this innocent being maybe life-threatening. In order to heal these wounds, we need to acknowledge trauma with a small t and allow the emotions of that wound to be felt through.
If you feel like there are difficult emotions within you that you cannot process by yourself, it is always helpful to find a safe space such as with a therapist who can guide you through feeling them and then releasing them. Asking for help is never a sign of weakness but of your strength to look within, to take back the ownership of your experience, to show up for yourself, and to hold yourself and your younger self - becoming the adult you would have needed in these painful moments in your childhood.
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